I’ve met my next cold, and its name is Dwayne.

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I’m not what you call germ-obsessed. I don’t have a bottle of hand sanitizer strapped to my purse. But I do take public transportation, which in the winter can be extremely hazardous to your health. They have posters in the buses and subway cars reminding people to essentially “sneeze in your sleeve.” No more do we cover our mouths with our hands. That is just so wrong, but you knew that, didn’t you?

Yesterday, I was on my way to the airport and managed to snag the very last seat on the shuttle bus. The gentleman next to me moved his carry-on bag out of the way to make room for me, and I noticed his name on the ID tag: Dwayne.

We had gone maybe a mile when he started sneezing. Violent spasms. Again and again: “Ah-CHEW! CHEW!”

And the spray. Oh, sweet mother, I’ve been hit!

“Bless you,” I said, adding quick prayer for myself.

“Thanks,” he said. “I just can’t seem to shake this cold.”

I knew I was doomed but I figured I might as well know what I was up against. How often to you get to interview a cold, or more specifically, the cold’s current host: Dwayne.

“Oh, you’ve had it a long time?” I asked.

“Going on a week,” Dwayne said, folding his handkerchief. “Probably during my last business trip.”

“Airplanes and buses are just large Petri dishes with wheels,” I said sympathetically. I wanted to earn his trust before I asked for his medical history.

He smiled. Let the interview begin.

“So, did it come on quickly?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. I felt fine all day, went to bed with a sore throat, and woke up with the cold,” Dwayne said. “Miserable.”

Miserable? That was just too generic. I needed specifics.

“Did you have the dreaded triumvirate: Chills? Fever? Cough?”

“Yes, yes, no,” he said. “Never did get a cough.”

OK, valuable information. I pulled out my cell phone and made a note to stop and pick up cold medicine.  Skip the cough syrup. This is so much better than having to bundle up and drag yourself to the drug store when you are feeling miserable. Might as well get some ginger ale and ramen noodles while I’m at it, too.

Maybe I should get some Vitamin C and Echinacea that my friends are always touting. I wasn’t a fan. I’d tried the pills once or twice and still got a cold but never knew if it was not as severe as it would have been. But with the data I got from Dwayne (along with the cold germs), I could conduct my own personal clinical trial.

This time I won’t just endure the cold. I will, if not exactly embrace it, pay attention to it, study it.

I really need to get a life.

166 thoughts on “I’ve met my next cold, and its name is Dwayne.

  1. I never have enough courage to interview the bearer of the illness, but I do a silent prayer and plead to God that it not be the deadly H something N something strain of virus. I really don’t want to fall prey to a lethal disease before I gather enough readers for my blog, which reminds me that I would love it if you could look at my blog, I am on a blog promoting spree!

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    1. Hi,
      If I knew what the magic sauce was to these blogs, I would gladly share the information with you.
      All I know is: have a great title and use very good illustrations. 350 words is better than 650 words.
      Good luck!

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  2. Just came across your blog on my phone. Quite funny. Hopefully it won’t be too bad for ya. I’m actually heading to the urgent care today for some weird sore throat crap that I have been dealing with since November. Luckily no one else seems to ever come down with it. Feel better!!

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  3. Wow! I guess people are easier to talk to where you live. Here we just ignore the sneezes and move further away OAO”ll Ask any questions and people will think you’re weird :’D

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