Dashing through the euphemisms….


A guide to translating those ubiquitous Holiday Newsletters.

Dear Family, Friends, All:

 (Translation: I never organized my contacts list properly so this is a blast e-mail to everyone.) 

It’s been another busy, busy year for our family. Once again, I just don’t know where the time has gone.

(We still haven’t brought in the summer furniture. My husband suggested stringing lights on the chaise lounge.)

The kids are busy, busy, busy in school. Lucy tried out for the lead in the school musical but instead got what is supposed to be a supporting role. Everyone agrees she carries the show.

(The girl can’t sing.)

Tony is on the Junior Varsity Basketball team. It’s been an exciting season and we are excited to watch the entire team grow.

(They are a pathetic 0 and 12. Tony scored 10 points all year. We probably shouldn’t have encouraged him to try out for the team, but this is better than chess club, right?)
Don is hardly ever home. It seems he spends all his time at the office.
(The company is hemorrhaging money and we fear he will be fired soon. Every Friday we hold our breaths. So far, so good.)
As for me, I’m back to spending 2 days a week at the gym. I’m exercising, walking more, and taking yoga classes, just to stay in shape. HA!
(I’m 25 pounds overweight; my ankles are swollen; and my balance is lousy.)
Have a wonderful holiday season. We wish you good health in the New Year.
The Jacksons



7 thoughts on “Dashing through the euphemisms….

  1. You forgot to mention the pets.
    Have I told you about Dashers latest adventure? He made friends with the neighbour.
    (Dog bit the neighbour, but the financial compensation made the neighbour really friendly.)


  2. Oh my gosh! This is so funny! It is exactly what we ‘translate’ when we read these blasted ‘holiday greetings.’ Seriously, people. Do I look like I care?! I love it, Kate.


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