What if your cable company sold kitchen appliances?

Stove

Think about this: Refrigerators can be controlled via the Internet now. You can program your house and appliances to turn on or off and control them from your mobile phone or computer. As our need to be  constantly connected keeps growing, is it such a stretch to imagine your Internet provider branching out? What if they just bought a big box appliance store? Could you just walk in and buy a refrigerator, or would you have to buy a bundle that included appliances you don’t need, just like all those cable channels you never watch?

I walk into the bright, shiny store and am met by a smiling young man.

Brad: Hello and welcome to Cable Appliances, your one-stop for all things Internet. My name is Brad and I’ll be your Customer Support Specialist this morning.  How may I help you?

Me: Hello, Brad. I’m shopping for new kitchen appliances. I need a new stove, refrigerator, and microwave.

Brad: I understand exactly what you are looking for. You want a stove, refrigerator, and microwave. Is that correct?

Me: It absolutely is, Brad. I’ve been doing a little research online, so I know exactly what I want.

Brad: Excellent! Before we begin, I should mention that this conversation may be recorded for training purposes. Now, how may I help you?

Me: I need a new range, refrigerator, and microwave. I want them all in stainless. I know exactly the brands and models that I want.

Brad: Excellent, but I noticed that you didn’t mention a dishwasher.

Me: I have a new dishwasher that I absolutely love. It’s the best dishwasher that I’ve ever owned. I don’t need to buy one, just the three appliances that I mentioned.

Brad: I understand that you want to keep your dishwasher but I wanted to point out that our best-selling appliance bundle includes a dishwasher. You save quite a bit of money by getting the Super Chef bundle.

Me: I won’t be saving much if I buy an appliance that I don’t want.

Brad: But the bundles are the best way to go.

Me: Not for me, Brad. Can you show me the ranges?

Brad: Of course. I understand that you want to see the ranges. They are in the next aisle.

Me: Oh, good. You have the range I want! I’ve read all the reviews and this is the one for me: convection oven, warming oven, and a griddle. I want this one, Brad.

Brad: Excellent. I understand that you want this range.

Me: Why  do you keep repeating everything I say, Brad?

Brad: We’re taught to do that. It shows that we are listening and that you are our first priority.  So, I should point out that not all of the features on the range are available unless you get our Cook’s Premium Package.

Me: How can the features on the range not be available? The features are already on the range.

Brad: I understand that you see the features on the range but some of them may be disabled depending on which Kitchen Appliance Bundle you choose.

Me: How can that be, Brad?

Brad: Well, as an example, the oven door is not included if you choose the Starter Kitchen Package.

Me: No oven door?

Brad: Correct. All burners and the timer are included, however.

Me: When might you grant me an oven door?

Brad: Oh, the oven door is included in our Sous Chef Bundle. You might want to consider this package. It includes a 3-speed blender for only an additional $35 per month.

Me: Then I would be paying over $420 each year for a $200 blender. That makes no sense.

Brad: I understand that you do not want the Sous Chef Bundle.

Me: And do you understand that you can shove the blender?

Brad: I understand that you would like me to shove the blender.

Me: And your entire company as well, Brad.

Brad: I’ll be sure to pass that request along.

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