I’m not what you call germ-obsessed. I don’t have a bottle of hand sanitizer strapped to my purse. But I do take public transportation, which in the winter can be extremely hazardous to your health. They have posters in the buses and subway cars reminding people to essentially “sneeze in your sleeve.” No more do we cover our mouths with our hands. That is just so wrong, but you knew that, didn’t you?
Yesterday, I was on my way to the airport and managed to snag the very last seat on the shuttle bus. The gentleman next to me moved his carry-on bag out of the way to make room for me, and I noticed his name on the ID tag: Dwayne.
We had gone maybe a mile when he started sneezing. Violent spasms. Again and again: “Ah-CHEW! CHEW!”
And the spray. Oh, sweet mother, I’ve been hit!
“Bless you,” I said, adding quick prayer for myself.
“Thanks,” he said. “I just can’t seem to shake this cold.”
I knew I was doomed but I figured I might as well know what I was up against. How often to you get to interview a cold, or more specifically, the cold’s current host: Dwayne.
“Oh, you’ve had it a long time?” I asked.
“Going on a week,” Dwayne said, folding his handkerchief. “Probably during my last business trip.”
“Airplanes and buses are just large Petri dishes with wheels,” I said sympathetically. I wanted to earn his trust before I asked for his medical history.
He smiled. Let the interview begin.
“So, did it come on quickly?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. I felt fine all day, went to bed with a sore throat, and woke up with the cold,” Dwayne said. “Miserable.”
Miserable? That was just too generic. I needed specifics.
“Did you have the dreaded triumvirate: Chills? Fever? Cough?”
“Yes, yes, no,” he said. “Never did get a cough.”
OK, valuable information. I pulled out my cell phone and made a note to stop and pick up cold medicine. Skip the cough syrup. This is so much better than having to bundle up and drag yourself to the drug store when you are feeling miserable. Might as well get some ginger ale and ramen noodles while I’m at it, too.
Maybe I should get some Vitamin C and Echinacea that my friends are always touting. I wasn’t a fan. I’d tried the pills once or twice and still got a cold but never knew if it was not as severe as it would have been. But with the data I got from Dwayne (along with the cold germs), I could conduct my own personal clinical trial.
This time I won’t just endure the cold. I will, if not exactly embrace it, pay attention to it, study it.
I really need to get a life.
Great post! I once had a cat named Dwayne that showed up uninvited courtesy of a thoughtless stranger. He was much nicer than what it sounds like you have coming….
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I’m sure your Dwayne was a perfect gentleman. Thanks for visiting
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I totally do the interview also…glad I’m not the only one 🙂 Might have to start naming my colds too!
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If they can name hurricanes, why not colds?
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Reblogged this on Hiddensnakebites.
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So wait…Hot beer is supposed to PREVENT the cold? Or is it supposed to be had within the first 24 hours of the symptoms starting?
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I believe the idea was to drink it once the cold started. Who knows if it works?
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It is supposed to be drunk along the first signs – throat ache, sneezing …
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Love this post. Hope Dwayne didnt turn out to be too nasty a bug! 😉
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Thanks. Dwayne is history!
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Again and again: “Ah-CHEW! CHEW!” hahahaha!
very gud mom! Dont worry be happy!!!
i read this hope you enjoyed!
#wordpress!
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Smart move! My first thought is to bolt at the sign of a sneezer, but your use of the scientific method was probably a lot more effective. So, any symptoms yet?
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The cold is history, I’m happy to report. I’ve expanded my scientific protocol to now include checking out any potential seatmate for signs of a cold before I sit down.
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I never have enough courage to interview the bearer of the illness, but I do a silent prayer and plead to God that it not be the deadly H something N something strain of virus. I really don’t want to fall prey to a lethal disease before I gather enough readers for my blog, which reminds me that I would love it if you could look at my blog, I am on a blog promoting spree!
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Everyone wants to talk about their cold or flu or ungrateful children. You hardly have to ask and they will start talking. I’ll be checking out your blog soon.
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He seems like as pretty nice cold, as far as colds go. I just got over laryngitis, which I’m thankful for because I can now spell laryngitis. I just started a humor/satire blog and I hope that you can check it out, I’m really enjoying yours!
http://www.jeanmess.com/
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I like how you find the positive in a cold. Spelling is important!
I’m on my way to your blog now. Thanks for stopping by.
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This blog is great! I just recently entered the blogging world any advice? Maybe help get the word out? find me at nyasiamonee.wordpress.com
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Hi,
If I knew what the magic sauce was to these blogs, I would gladly share the information with you.
All I know is: have a great title and use very good illustrations. 350 words is better than 650 words.
Good luck!
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Hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing in between reading. Hope you’re not down with a cold named “Dwayne” though. 🙂
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I am alive and well. Thanks for your comments.
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😀
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Or you could go Japanese and wear the masks. Worked for me when I lived there.
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I though of that. Just too difficult to co-ordinate them with my wardrobe.
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I just got over a really nasty cold, unfortunately gave it to my girlfriend and she is still in the icy grip of it!
Visit New Gen Journo for unbiased opinions on everything
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I’m sorry about your colds. Did you name it?
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hehe! gr8 blog
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Thx
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Love it! I’ve become a hermit this winter trying to avoid, but with 3 kids in school (the mother of all petri dishes) my son finally brought home the flu. We used supplements and essential oils to knock it the hell out. You can read about our adventure at http://yuppieredneckhippie.wordpress.com/
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I’ll check out your story. My friends get so many colds form their grandchildren that it’s almost like they are exchanging them as gifts at Christmas.
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All my colds are called Neville. So is my husband… 😦
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Figure the odds that they would have the same name. ;-
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So funny. You sound like my germ-phone sister. Good post!
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Thanks. I appreciate your comments. I’m not really a germ-phobe, but well those sneezes…. Oh, don’t get me started again.
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germ-phobe. not phone.
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Just came across your blog on my phone. Quite funny. Hopefully it won’t be too bad for ya. I’m actually heading to the urgent care today for some weird sore throat crap that I have been dealing with since November. Luckily no one else seems to ever come down with it. Feel better!!
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I’m fine now, thanks. Hope your sore throat is better soon. I appreciate your comments.
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Too cool! Love it and can totally relate! Keep up the good work!
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I appreciate your kind words. Stop by anytime.
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#DammitDwayne
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🙂
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Reblogged this on livelyinspired.
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Wow! I guess people are easier to talk to where you live. Here we just ignore the sneezes and move further away OAO”ll Ask any questions and people will think you’re weird :’D
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This was a shuttle bus to the airport packed with travellers from around the world. It’s easy to talk to a solo traveller. They’re all lonely.
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Ah, I see! I still find it hard to be outgoing enough to speak up to strangers. It’ll be nice if people all around would just make friends, yes?
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Just ride a shuttle bus for experience. You’ll see what I mean.
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I can completely relate to this, I hate it when people don’t have the common courtesy to cover their nose when they sneeze, the spray can be really terrible
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Let me know how it works out!
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It came and stayed to long but now it is history. Thanks for asking.
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Good.
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A life encounter, so well conveyed. I’ll stop by the store and pick up me some medicine, cause I’m afraid you have affected me as well. Toodles.
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Haha this is clever! Drink emergen-C if you want some extra vitamin C. I like a sauna, water, and sleep when I feel under the weather
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Reblogged this on Lotus and commented:
😂😂😂 Good Read.
Totally loved it.
Definitely adding this on to my Bucket List
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Thank you!
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My pleasure.
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Reblogged this on My Dog Ate a Lightbulb and commented:
Just in case you have a summer cold…
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